Hallmark television recently found itself deep in the culture wars when they ran an advertisement depicting the marriage of two gay women consummated with a kiss that infuriated conservative Christians. An organization of right wing mothers, ‘One Million Moms’, mounted a potential boycott of Hallmark prompting that network, which specializes in traditional family life and Christmas themed romance movies, to abandon the ads from the marriage registry company, Zola.
After much counter protesting by left wing and gay rights groups, Hallmark decided to reverse its earlier decision to remove the offending ad stating on Twitter, that they, “will be working with GLAAD, (a gay media advocate), to better represent the LGBTQ community. The Hallmark channel will be reaching out to Zola to reestablish our partnership and reinstate the commercials”.
Needless to say this reversal really incensed the conservative Christian community. Franklin Graham, (son of of the late Billy), a Christian evangelist known for his love of President Trump and for various attacks on gays, claimed the evil LGBTQ agenda corrupted the“wholesome” network.
With this controversy in mind and as Christmas approaches, let us take a quick look at how Hallmark might handle the first family of the United States in
a tribute to the wonderful familial love and loyalty of the Trump family.
Such a movie might start with a little history of Trump family triumphs as they struggled to gain a foothold in America. Grandpa Frederick Trump first to our shores after fleeing military service in his home country of Germany, could be depicted as the proud owner of his turn of the century brothel in Bennett British Columbia. With his fortune made from prostitution, (Frederick was said to have been a kindly pimp), Frederick Sr. eventually settled in New York.
Falling not too far from the family tree, Hallmark might depict Fredrick’s son, New York landlord, Fred Trump Jr. in all his Christian benevolence. Fred was well know to rent his apartments to everyone; everyone except minorities. At this point a truly fine Christmas movie from Hallmark couldn’t help but show scenes of brave Fred and his KKK buddies fighting off those nasty liberals and blacks during a well know white supremacist rally in New York City in 1927. Hallmark would probably leave out the part where police hauled Fred away in a paddy wagon.
Fast forwarding to the modern era, as movies sometimes do, they could have scenes from Donald Trump's many marriages and the time he was screwing Stormy Daniels when his wife Melania was home with new born little Barron. Or maybe they could depict those years when Donald Trump Jr. wouldn't even speak with his father after he cheated on mother Ivana with Marla Maples. They could do a cut away shot of Trump hobnobbing with Jeffrey Epstein complete with a close up of Trump’s alleged sharing of a 13 year old virgin with his host Epstein. Virgins as I understand are very Christian.
To close out the film a final scene might unfold as President Trump walks down a snowy Manhattan street. He holds his great top coat close as the brutal wind slightly tossles his finally coiffed hair. Suddenly a Dickinsonian waif child in need appears with a sign asking for food. As Trump slows to engage the child we hear him state in his strong male voice, the classic Christmas line, “oh, but I need a favor from you, though”.
Pan out, Hallmark audience in tears, popcorn all gone, time for bed to count sugar plums and Russians.
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